444 episodes

Nikki Kinzer and Pete Wright offer support, life management strategies, and time and technology tips, dedicated to anyone looking to take control while living with ADHD.

Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast TruStory FM

    • Health & Fitness
    • 4.6 • 404 Ratings

Nikki Kinzer and Pete Wright offer support, life management strategies, and time and technology tips, dedicated to anyone looking to take control while living with ADHD.

    The Invisible Tightrope: Navigating Parent/Caregiver-Child Relationships with ADHD

    The Invisible Tightrope: Navigating Parent/Caregiver-Child Relationships with ADHD

    As we explore the intricate dance between parents, caregivers, and their children, the presence of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can profoundly influence this delicate balance. Parents with ADHD may find solace in shared struggles with their ADHD children, while facing frustration when their symptoms lead to setbacks with neurotypical children. On the other hand, parents without ADHD may struggle to understand the challenges their ADHD child faces, leading to a cycle of punishment and emotional wounds that linger into adulthood.
    In families with both ADHD and neurotypical children, the specter of favoritism can breed resentment and anger. The neurotypical child may feel neglected, while the child with ADHD may feel unfairly targeted. At the heart of this discord lies a breakdown in communication.
    Effective communication requires active listening and the recognition of non-verbal cues. Those with ADHD may struggle to articulate their needs and emotions, while those without ADHD may find it challenging to grasp the complexities of the condition. Rebuilding these bridges is no small feat, but progress is possible when all family members are committed to fostering healthier, more open dialogue.
    The journey towards better communication begins with introspection and asking tough questions about one's own actions, behaviors, and communication style. In times of struggle, seeking the guidance of a trained professional can provide invaluable support.
    Ultimately, the path to stronger family relationships lies in focusing on personal growth, communication, and understanding. By embracing empathy and compassion, families can begin to mend the invisible tightrope that binds them together.
    Links & Notes
    The Explosive Child by Ross GreenThe ADHD Podcast Ep 358: Mindful Listening for ADHD with Rebecca ShafirThe ADHD Podcast Episodes with Tamara RosierDig into the podcast Shownotes Database
    (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast
    (06:37) - Parents & Kids with ADHD
    (15:06) - The Complicated Family Dynamic
    (29:35) - Emergent Behavior


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    • 35 min
    ADHD & Empathy with Dr. Tamara Rosier

    ADHD & Empathy with Dr. Tamara Rosier

    In this week's episode of The ADHD Podcast, hosts Pete Wright and Nikki Kinzer explore the nuances of empathy for those with ADHD. Their guest, Dr. Tamara Rosier, recently presented on "The Unexpected Downside of Empathy" at the 2023 International ADHD Conference. Dr. Rosier, founder of the ADHD Center of West Michigan, explains that while empathy is often seen as a virtue, ADHDers may experience it in a more complicated way.
    Dr. Rosier outlines three main types of empathy: emotional, cognitive, and compassionate. Typically, employing all three types leads to well-regulated empathy. However, she notes that ADHDers frequently operate at extremes, either overly empathetic or non-empathetic. This imbalance leaves them vulnerable to several "downsides" of empathy.
    First, ADHDers may experience misplaced empathy, making excuses for other's inappropriate behavior. Second, getting stuck in emotional empathy can lead to empathetic distress and fatigue from taking on too many others' burdens. Dr. Rosier hypothesizes this stems from the ADHDer's desire to avoid rejection sensitivity.
    Third, ADHDers may underfunction by shutting down empathetically. Fourth, they may overfunction by overcompensating for other's lack of empathy. Finally, manipulative people can exploit the ADHDer's emotional empathy to gaslight without triggering their cognitive empathy.
    ADHD wiring leads to a complicated relationship with empathy. Our great thanks to Dr. Rosier for sharing her insights this week!
    Links & Notes
    Dr. Tamara RosierThe ADHD Center of West MichiganDig into the podcast Shownotes Database
    (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast
    (02:43) - Introducing Dr. Tamara Rosier
    (04:42) - What is Empathy?
    (24:06) - Empathetic Trust
    (30:34) - Grief
    (34:28) - Underfunctioning Empathy
    (37:52) - Overfunctioning Empathy
    (39:32) - Empathy & RSD
    (41:32) - Finding Balance
    (48:10) - The Genesis of the New Book


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    • 51 min
    Gaslighting & ADHD

    Gaslighting & ADHD

    The popular 1944 film Gaslight brought the insidious behavior known as "gaslighting" into the public consciousness. But what exactly is gaslighting, and what does it have to do with ADHD? We explore this in today's episode of Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast.
    Dr. Deborah Vinall, author of the book Gaslighting: A Step-By-Step Recovery Guide, describes gaslighting as a pattern of behavior where one person systematically undermines another, typically as a means of gaining control. It goes beyond an occasional contradiction to a consistent effort to erode the other's confidence in their own perception of reality.
    So, what does this have to do with ADHD? As it turns out, quite a lot. People with ADHD are more vulnerable to gaslighting attempts for several reasons. Their symptoms of inattention, disorganization, and impulsivity are often used by gaslighters as ammunition to undermine their confidence. Being manipulated into questioning one's own memory and perception can then exacerbate ADHD symptoms like confusion, self-doubt, and struggles with focus and recall.
    At the same time, some behaviors driven by ADHD, like forgetfulness, tardiness, and fidgeting, can be misconstrued by others as deliberate gaslighting rather than unintentional neurological symptoms. It's important for others to understand ADHD is not an intentional or conscious effort to manipulate.
    Many with ADHD have experienced the painful effects of gaslighting. They describe feeling trivialized when their real daily struggles are dismissed as "dramatic" or something "everyone deals with." They feel overgeneralized and defeated when told they "never" follow through or "always" mess up, ignoring their successes. And they feel bewildered and betrayed when facts about their lives or promises made to them are denied outright by gaslighters insisting "that never happened."
    The good news is there are effective ways to maintain confidence and counter gaslighting with ADHD. Seeking external validation from professionals, friends, and family who understand the condition can provide reality checks when self-doubt creeps in. Setting boundaries and directly challenging false claims are also important strategies. Ultimately, it comes down to trusting your instincts, focusing on the future, and relying on facts over emotions when it comes to combating gaslighting with ADHD.
    Links & Notes
    Gaslighting: A Step-by-Step Recovery Guide to Heal from Emotional Abuse and Build Healthy Relationships by Deborah VinallDig into the podcast Shownotes Database
    (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast
    (02:02) - Support the ADHD Podcast by Become a Patron: patreon.com/theadhdpodcast
    (04:43) - Gaslight Cinematic History
    (08:52) - Psychological Manipulation
    (13:16) - Blame
    (20:50) - Show Your Work


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    • 34 min
    ADHD Never Used to Be This Hard

    ADHD Never Used to Be This Hard

    Do you remember when you were young and carefree, coasting through school assignments at the last minute? Or social engagements flowing effortlessly from one to the next? As an adult with ADHD, those days may feel like a distant memory. Suddenly, responsibilities pile up, work seems endless, and relationships require much more attention. What changed?
    In this episode, we explore why ADHD symptoms often worsen from childhood to adulthood. Turns out, the structured school environment and malleable young brain provided a protective cocoon. Youthful resilience and novelty-seeking behaviors also naturally complemented ADHD traits.
    But adult life removes those scaffolds. We're faced with open-ended choices, little external accountability, and increasingly rigid thinking patterns. Stress compounds the challenges. Without school forcing new learning, our minds stagnate. Mental elasticity gives way to knee-jerk reactions. Dopamine-seeking behaviors like substance abuse or gambling frequently emerge. It's no wonder ADHD feels debilitating.
    The good news? We can recreate youthful advantages through scheduling routines, mindfulness practices, brain training, and lifestyle changes. Structure liberates the ADHD mind from decision fatigue. Meditation and new hobbies boost dopamine. And cognitive exercises build mental agility. By bringing back elements of childhood, we can recapture some of its ease. The path requires diligence and self-compassion. But reclaiming our younger resilience is within reach.
    Links & Notes
    Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database
    (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast
    (02:00) - Support the show: Become a patron!
    (05:18) - Were things better back in the day?
    (09:06) - Performative Busyness
    (15:14) - The ADHD Twist


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    • 36 min
    Time Shielding, the Values Calendar, and the Schedule Saboteur

    Time Shielding, the Values Calendar, and the Schedule Saboteur

    We're eager to please, but at what cost? For people with ADHD, saying yes to requests from others often means sabotaging our own priorities. Urgency provides a dopamine hit; the instructions are clear. Best of all, we aren't fully responsible for the outcome. But every time we dodge our obligations to take on extra, we chip away at our future. 

    Before automatically agreeing to favors, pause and examine your motives. Are you truly available or just procrastinating? Will you have to sacrifice critical deadlines to accommodate? Respect your time. Invest in your goals, not just other's. Your needs matter too. Stop self-sabotage disguised as service. Prioritize a future fueled by purpose, not avoidance.

    We talk about some key principles this week including time shielding for protecting our time from distraction, the values calendar to help align time to our values, and margin for interruption in our schedules. 
    Links & Notes
    Shawn Blanc writing about MarginDig into the podcast Shownotes Database
    (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast
    (01:43) - Connect with Us!
    (02:14) - Patreon! Join the club! patreon.com/theadhdpodcast
    (03:44) - Sabotage
    (18:52) - Time Shielding and the Values Calendar
    (29:32) - Margin


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    • 35 min
    Everything’s On Fire. Now What?

    Everything’s On Fire. Now What?

    When everything is on fire, how do you escape the flames? For people with ADHD, overwhelm can consume our days in a blazing mess of forgotten tasks, ignored priorities, and competing demands. Like a wildfire swallowing the horizon, the urgent eclipses the important until catastrophe looms. Fortunately, firefighters don't panic in the face of infernos. They methodically suppress the flames by targeting fuels one at a time. We can borrow their approach. Tackle the smallest task first for a quick win. Preserve your critical relationships, health, and finances. Let go of time-wasters that won't devastate. Once the blaze subsides, sift through the ashes and rebuild. Learn from the near-disaster to prepare for the next. With level-headed focus, even the most raging overwhelm can be contained. Don't let the flames consume you. Become the firefighter, armed and ready.

    It’s possible we’re overdoing the fire metaphor. But that’s what we do on the ADHD podcast... we lean in, even when it’s too hot to handle. 
    Links & Notes
    Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database
    (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast
    (03:06) - The Podcast!
    (04:08) - Become a Patron! Patreon.com/theadhdpodcast
    (04:55) - The Five Alarm ADHD Productivity Blaze


    ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

    • 30 min

Customer Reviews

4.6 out of 5
404 Ratings

404 Ratings

Mandykaps ,

Safe Place

So helpful and yet light. This pod Offers a community and interesting insights. Thank you!!

mr.me3848484 ,

Purely anecdotal

It’s all ‘I think this may help’ kinna advice. 3 times in 1 podcast they said ‘you gotta look at the situation to see what’s causing it’, when the cause is ADHD… ???

Alphadog7 ,

Gets a little political

Pete makes some political comments calling Elon Musk a lunatic and other political undertones. I could do without that. Otherwise pretty good.

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