Bringing Up Boys Summit Dr Justin Coulson

Timestamps00:19 Dr Justin Coulson introduces the Q&A
02:02 Q1 Anger management
10:52 Q2 Controlling screen time
16:51 Q3 Keeping bedroom clean
21:18 Q4 Choosing not to drink & identity
24:23 Q5 Alcohol standards & split homes
30:42 Q6 How to bring up issues without being critical
36:06 Q7 8 y/o on screen time
36:59 Q8 Overcoming generational trauma
42:07 Q9 What to do when lacking strong male role models
44:15 Q10 Neurotypical children - learning at school
51:26 Q11 Do we share our past mistakes with our kids?
53:53 Q12 Sport + the boy code
56:11 Q13 What if they don’t want to spend time with you?
58:11 Q14 'Fitting in' at school & choosing good friends
01:00:36 Q15 How to talk about pornography & masturbation
01:11:19 Q16 Brain science in boys & girls
01:11:41 Q17 Teenage son feels they don't love him enough
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When our boys grow up, it hurts. The heartbreaking grief that comes as our sons grow up and don’t need us anymore is not spoken of often enough. At the same time, there is an incredible joy that comes from watching them fall in love and take steps to begin their own life. In this important conversation, Dr Justin Coulson and Mia Freedman talk about our boys growing up, how to teach them good principles, and how to let go of them when the time is right.

Timestamps
00:18 Dr Justin Coulson introduces Mia Freedman
01:54 What is masculinity to Mia?
04:47 Do boys really believe they aren't as good?
07:00 Misrepresenting feminism
09:25 The biggest issues for boys and parents
13:59 The pool metaphor
19:43 Don't shame them
21:40 Responding to inapproriate behaviour without shame
26:52 Teaching them good principles
31:56 Be the best boy in the room
32:47 Parental grief
39:19 Final message

Mia FreedmanMia Freedman is the co-founder and Chief Creative Officer of the Mamamia Women’s Media Company in Australia.
Mamamia has an audience of more than six and a half million women every month and is also the largest women’s podcast network in the world, with over 173 million listens and 46 different shows. She is also the founder of Lady Startup. An education-based community supporting female-founded small businesses, helping them launch and grow through online courses, podcasts, and social media.
Mamamia’s core purpose as a business is to make the world a better place for women and girls. Before founding Mamamia as a blog in her lounge room in 2007 and becoming one of Australia’s best-known digital entrepreneurs, Mia was a magazine editor, national newspaper columnist, radio presenter, and TV host. She was named one of Australia’s 100 Most Influential Women by the Financial Review and is a former chair of the federal government’s Body Image Advisory Board.
She is an ambassador for Rize Up, a charity supporting women and children fleeing domestic violence, and Share The Dignity, which supports women and girls facing poverty and homelessness. Mia is the author of four books including the best-selling Work, Strife, Balance and she hosts two award-winning podcasts, Mamamia Outloud and No Filter, Australia’s leading interview podcast. Mia has three children, two dogs, and runs the Mamamia Women’s Media Company with her husband, Jason Lavigne, who is the CEO.
The wheels of her bus fall off regularly.

Resources
Mia Freedman - website
Mamamia

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It’s easy to convince ourselves they our boys are not the ones participating in sexist jokes or watching pornography with their mates at school, because they have such good manners around us. But perhaps that is not the full truth. In this engaging conversation, Bec Sparrow and Dr Justin Coulson discuss how to help our boys develop their identity and morality, recognize good relationships, and set healthy boundaries with their friends.

Timestamps
00:19 Dr Justin introduces Bec Sparrow
01:39 The biggest challenge parents face with boys
05:33 Parental obliviousness to kids’ behaviour 
10:43 Conversations about sex
16:24 Boys vs girls friendships
21:26 ‘Ruminating’
23:48 Red flags 
27:04 Green flags
29:38 Personal boundaries
35:27 Consent
40:34 Peer pressure and being a 'simp'
44:56 Male inappropriate bonding
52:01 Developing values and identity
54:48 Belief leads to identity
57:42 3 quick tips
1:00:08 What’s something you wish everyone knew about you?

Bec SparrowOver the past 25 years Rebecca Sparrow has earned a living as a travel writer, a television publicist, a marketing executive, a magazine editor, a TV scriptwriter, a radio producer, a newspaper columnist and as an author.
She is the author of three best-selling novels The Girl Most Likely, The Year Nick McGowan Came to Stay and Joel and Cat Set The Story Straight (co-authored with Nick Earls).
Aside from writing books Rebecca has written for Mamamia, co-hosted two seasons of the award-winning health and happiness podcast The Well with Robin Bailey and played Agony Aunt to teenagers across the country on the Ask Me Anything podcast. She also talks to thousands of school students (and their parents!) every year about friendship, resilience, giving back and how to have a more positive experience online. Rebecca is an ambassador for The Pyjama Foundation and Suncorp’s #TeamGirls initiative. In 2018 she was invited to sit on the Queensland Government’s Anti-Bullying Taskforce.
Rebecca lives in Brisbane with her husband Brad, her three kids and two labradoodles (one of whom is INCREDIBLY naughty).
 
ResourcesRebecca Sparrow - website
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Many boys are taught from a young age that they must be ‘tough’ and hide their emotions. In this conversation, Dr Justin Coulson and Professor Marc Brackett discuss how parents can give their boys ‘permission to feel’ all of their emotions. Marc Brackett also shares with us how to increase our emotional intelligence and become a better emotion coach for our boys.

Timestamps
00:19 Dr Justin introduces Marc Brackett
01:29 Establishing the gender of this conversation
02:12 Boys and their emotions
05:19 Expression of emotions is a nurture not nature issue
09:41 How to change the culture?
13:25 Effects of masking emotions
15:22 Willingness to demonstrate empathy
18:05 Nurturing our boys’ emotions
24:05 Permission to feel all emotions
26:40 Theory vs in-practice
29:10 Justin shares an incident - naming your emotions
32:20 Deactivating parental emotions
35:40 Emotion regulation
37:14 Final message

Professor Marc BrackettMarc Brackett, Ph.D., is the founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and a professor in the Child Study Center, Yale School of Medicine at Yale University. His grant-funded research focuses on the role of emotions in learning, decision making, creativity, relationship quality, wellbeing, performance, and organizational climate; the measurement of emotional intelligence; and the influence of emotional intelligence training on key life outcomes.
Marc has published over 150 scholarly articles, received numerous awards, and is featured regularly in popular media outlets such as the New York Times, Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, and The Today Show. He also is on the board of directors for the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL).
Marc is the lead developer of RULER, a systemic, evidence-based approach to social and emotional learning that has been adopted by over 3,000 public, charter, and independent pre-school through high schools across the United States and in other countries, including Australia, China, England, Italy, Mexico, and Spain. Research shows that RULER boosts academic performance, decreases bullying, enriches classroom climates, reduces teacher stress and burnout, and enhances teacher instructional practices.
Marc regularly consults with large companies on best practices for integrating the principles of emotional intelligence into training and product design. He is co-founder of Oji Life Lab, a corporate learning firm that develops innovative digital learning systems for emotional intelligence.
Marc speaks to tens of thousands of people each year and has been the keynote speaker at over 500 conferences around the world, including the White House, U.S. Departments of Education, Justice, and Defense, the Surgeon General’s office, the New York Times, Microsoft, Google, Facebook, and Twitter, as well as dozens of education conferences.
Marc is the author of Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help our Kids, Ourselves, and our Society Thrive, published by Celadon (Macmillan), which has been translated into 20 languages.

Resources
Mood Meter App
Permission to Feel | Professor Marc Brackett

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The ‘man box’ is the set of beliefs that society has defined as what it means to be a ‘real man’. When men try to step outside this, they are pushed back into the box of how they should think and behave. Matt Tyler, passionate about this topic, shares with Dr Justin Coulson in this conversation how to undo ‘toxic masculinity’, gender stereotypes, and break down ‘man box’ behaviour. The astounding life outcome statistics that result from living in the man box will blow you away.

Timestamps
00:19 Dr Justin Coulson introduces Matt Tyler
01:11 Matt’s backstory
02:31 The Men’s Project
05:27 The Man Box
13:42 The Man Box in Australia 
14:18 Perceived social pressures 
16:24 Personal endorsement of man box themes
18:30 Endorsement vs beliefs
21:20 Life outcomes of living in the man box 
22:14 Sexually harrassing women
24:50 Physical violence
27:55 Australian boys in the Man Box
29:20 Four adolescent man box sub pillars
29:27 Constant effort and bravado
30:03 Emotional restriction
30:37 Heterosexism
35:43 Social teasing
37:41 Impact on society from the Man Box
42:06 How can parents overcome the Man Box?
49:43 Other concrete strategies

Matt TylerJesuit Social Services
Matt Tyler is the executive director of The Men’s Project at Jesuit Social Services working with a team committed to providing leadership on the reduction of violence and other harmful behaviours prevalent among boys and men. A particularly important part of this work is broadening the definition of what it means to be a man by translating findings from The Men’s Project’s Man Box research into practice. 
 
Matt brings to his role over 10 years of experience across the private, public, academic and community sectors. Prior to joining Jesuit Social Services he worked as a fellow for Harvard’s Government Performance Lab, focused on child protection, and he has also worked on projects related to family violence and mental health. He is trained as an economist with a particular focus on statistics, holding a Master of Public Policy from Harvard’s Kennedy School and Honours in Economics from Monash University.
 
Resources
The Men’s Project
The Man Box
The Man Box and Language
Modelling Respect and Equality Program – a case study

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Boys are absolutely capable of emotional vulnerability. But they are often more comfortable opening up within close friendships than without. Here Michelle Mitchell and Dr Justin Coulson dive into the topic of connection and communication with our boys. They also cover emotional expressiveness and handling big emotions.

Timestamps
00:19 Dr Justin introduces Michelle Mitchell
01:33 Introduction to the topic
04:00 The hurdles that boys face today
09:12 Emotional expressiveness
10:33 Boys want us to hear their ‘man voice’
14:03 Balancing kindness and limits
16:23 We talk to boys differently
19:29 We have a lower expectation on boys to behave good
20:27 Emotional and physical outlets 
23:23 Be clear on your family values
26:04 Competitiveness in boys and girls
33:28 Big emotions 
35:51 Validating statements and empathy
41:04 Parents can be needy
43:25 Responding to boys when they’re riled up
46:33 Setting limits
49:53 Building blocks for better communication
54:41 Boys and puberty
56:54 Final practical tips

Michelle MitchellMichelle Mitchell is an award-winning speaker, and bestselling parenting author. She has been termed ‘the teenage expert’ by the media and is sought after for her compassionate and grounded advice for parenting tweens and teens. Michelle started her career as a teacher, but soon discovered a special interest in wellbeing. She left teaching in 2000 and founded Youth Excel, a ‘boutique’ health promotion charity which delivered tailor made life skills programs and psychological services to thousands of young people and their families each year.  Today she uses her experience to write and speak in schools, community events and through media.   

Resources
Michelle Mitchell - website
A Guy's Guide to Puberty | Michelle Mitchell
The Everyday Resilience Journal | Michelle Mitchell

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