Self-Coaching Dr. Joe Luciani

If you’re like most people who have tried to understand why your life has become so twisted and tormented, you’ve probably spent most of your time scouring the weeds of your past looking for clues as to “Why?”And you’ve likely come out of those weeds still feeling stuck. You may have tried therapy (formal or self-help bibliotherapy) yet, you’re still struggling. In my estimation, whether it’s formal therapy or your own bibliotherapy, if all your efforts aren’t making sense and translating to everyday real-life experience, then perhaps it’s time to simplify the process of healing.







What if I were to tell you that there are two simple, uncomplicated reasons why you suffer from anxiety and depression? Well, you might think this is an exaggeration. In this Self-Coaching episode let me explain why it’s not an exaggeration.

Typically, we worry when we feel threatened, unsafe, or challenged by life circumstances. Essentially, worry is an anticipation of future chaos—chaos that may or may not actually occur. Since no one can know the future, worry is based on a projection of insecurity--what-if thinking. In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss the importance of differentiating between emotional, insecurity-driven thinking (a.k.a. neurotic thinking) and rational, factual, mature thinking.







Worry gives the illusion that you’re doing something about your vulnerability. And when you’re feeling out of control and vulnerable, this illusion convinces you that you’re not helpless. Unfortunately, the more you worry to feel less vulnerable, the more unsafe, stressed and insecure you feel. So, why do we do it? Because without a foundation of self-trust, worrying is the only game in town—we try to compensate for our lack of self-trust by reading the tea leaves of an uncertain future. Rather than feeling completely helpless, worrying makes us feel that at least we’re doing something! And this is what keeps us hooked into a neurotic habit of unchecked worrying.







When challenged and feeling vulnerable, it’s okay to be concerned with the facts, but NOT the emotional fictions perpetrated by insecurity. Fictions that we can’t handle what’s coming around the next corner.

When we struggle, we often feel overwhelmed, confused, and unable to find the solace that has been snatched from us. When patients enter therapy, they often have no clue why they can’t stop their incessant, anxious worrying or snap out of a depressed mood that clouds their lives. In this Self-Coaching episode, I offer a way out—a way to untangle neurotic, habituated habits that prevent true happiness.







The Self-Coaching solution is straightforward and rather simple. Rather than trying to make heads or tails of your struggles from a ‘macro’ level, where everything is a frustrating jumble of swirling thoughts and emotions, the key is to cultivate a micro-level approach, one that breaks down struggle into its elemental, understandable components. And from the micro—one thought at a time level—you no longer have to be fishing for answers as you begin to tackle even the most entrenched, insecurity-driven habits—habits that are ruining and ruling your life. You know about habits; all habits are learned, and ALL habits can be broken. Even neurotic ones.

Feeling stuck? Do you find yourself wrestling with ongoing emotional setbacks no matter how hard you try to find solace? When even the smallest challenges too often trigger fear, negativity, and self-doubt. If you find yourself stumped, scratching your head, and feeling tired of repeating the same old spiral of neurotic overthinking, then it may be time for a psychological reboot.







In order to maximize your happiness and minimize your struggles, it’s important to have a clear understanding of what’s holding you back from the solace you seek. In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss five stumbling blocks that may be keeping you from the life you want—the life you deserve. The simple truth is that if you don’t know what you’re doing that reinforces your habits of insecurity, then, like any habit, nothing is going to change.

Do you feel you have to have all the answers? To always be right? Do you treat your feelings as if they are unassailable facts? If so, it may be time to reflect on whether you may be too opinionated. Obviously, we all have opinions, but when you refuse to accept that someone else’s differing point of view might have merit, you are being driven not by your own perceptions but by insecurity.Opinionated people create a black-and-white word where ambiguity is eliminated. Insecurity abhors ambiguity; when insecurity fuels our perceptions, we have the illusion of absolute certainty. It’s an arrogant posture that often leaves others fleeing from your company. Why? Because opinionated people not only diminish others but are often perceived as bullies.Join me in the Self-Coaching episode and decide if you need to reflect on whether you may be coming across as too rigid and opinionated.

Most have experienced mountain-out-of-mole-hill thinking, what psychologists call catastrophizing. That’s when something goes awry in our lives, and we immediately jump to the worst possible conclusion. More often than not, we leap to this anxious conclusion with minimal objective reason to despair. Even when a situation isn’t dire, we still feel like we’re in a doom-and-gloom crisis. When caught up in catastrophic thinking, it’s not pleasant. You have racing thoughts; you begin to feel overwhelmed and out of control; you bombard yourself with pessimism and negativity; you feel like you’re emotionally suffocating…Phew!







In the Self-Coaching episode, I discuss the nature of mountain-out-of-molehill thinking and why treating it as a habit of insecurity is a way to deal with life’s challenges in a more healthy, less neurotic way. With a Self-Coaching approach, you never have to feel swept away by a catastrophic meltdown.