Coming Up for Air — Families Speak to Families about Addiction Allies in Recovery

In a sort of CRAFT primer, our hosts define and discuss "agency" -- the sense of control you have -- and how it works for your loved one and for you. The goal is to feed positivity so they feel agency and can make better decisions. You foster agency in someone else by calming down and gaining more agency of your own.

It’s important to CRAFT that you become a complex thinker – not just black/white or good/bad, but looking at a bigger picture to see a range of possibilities and hold more than one truth. To, as Kayla says, “heal into wholeness,” it’s important to become more yourself by experiencing all the feelings and thoughts you may have, to hold them and see your perspective and the other person’s. The bigger picture you get, the more you can see possibilities that make you more whole and lead to healing.

You hear it a lot -- "allow for natural consequences." But what does that really mean? Natural consequences are the things you sometimes shield your loved one from -- whether it's a small conversation with someone who's upset with them, or something much larger. If something endangers life or well-being, different rules apply. But allowing the consequences of your loved one's actions to play out for them can be a force for change over time. Start with awareness; don't spend long feeling guilty; and let change begin in small ways at first.

Our hosts discuss and offer advice on two stories and questions covered in the Allies in Recovery blog. First is a look at a woman who took a stand with her older sister -- who then dropped out of sight. Second is a family whose loved one experienced seizures during withdrawal, but wanted to stay alone while detoxing.

You can become an agent of change by changing yourself. How do you step back, take space, change the dance from the usual interactions? You can't do that if you're moving too fast to assess things. Remember that change starts slowly; make small changes, and let them accumulate over time. Crisis that happens all the time is actually chronic behavior, and no longer crisis in the same sense. You can't lift a car off someone every day -- you have to change the underlying dynamic.

In part 1, our Allies member discussed intimacy and its role in applying CRAFT in a romantic relationship. In part 2, she discusses how she's handled issues related to kids, CRAFT, and talking to them about substance use disorder.