The Intersection of Spirituality, Psychology and Theology The Family Afterward Resource Center

Abuse in a relationship can take so many forms beyond the typified physical abuse, there can be dangerous behaviors that can touch on emotional, social and spiritual aspects of the person who is being abused.

Most often, all of these different aspects of dangerous relationships are interrelated and come into play at different points during the destructive cycle. Relationship abuse is defined as any behavior that results in emotional, social, or physical harm to another person. It is never acceptable to inflict or to accept being harmed in the context of any type of relationship. This applies to family, friends, acquaintances or dating.

Some of the terrible impacts from dangerous and/or abusive relationships are a reduction in physical and mental health. People who have endured abuse experience a distortion of their self-worth, self-confidence, freedom and social support.

Join Dr. Grand and Nick in delving into how to identify some warning signs, and overcome the impact of these dangerous relationships that can manifest in so many different aspects of our lives. 
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One of the foundations for having a healthy relationship is respecting the boundaries that each person has communicated. This goes beyond being polite and involves listening intently and honoring what the other person requests.

This is especially applicable regarding what is and what is not acceptable to the person. When we tell another person what we are OK and not OK with, it establishes a boundary that should not be crossed. If we ask the person not to do something and they do it anyway, it could be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. 

Boundaries are your personal rights and are very similar to the Bill of Rights written in the Constitution of the United States. Below are 10 individual rights that every person on planet earth should have. If we can honor and be honored by other people in these ways below, we will understand and practice good boundaries in our relationships.
Each person has the right to:
1.      feel good about who they are.     
2.      express feelings.
3.      express likes and dislikes.
4.      pursue life interests.
5.      become more.
6.      say “no” to whatever violates his/her values.
7.      be a human and make honest mistakes.
8.      be treated with respect.
9.      be heard and taken seriously.

10.   feel worthy and valuable.          

The real question is, “how does a person go about setting appropriate boundaries in their life”. Boundaries allow you to have your own personal space and your own independent life. Boundaries help you to be yourself rather than what someone else wants you to be.  

Join Dr. Robert Grand and Nick Sweem in this discussion on how and why to set boundaries throughout your life, from work and school to dating and family. 
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Lets be honest, sometimes we let our emotions get the best of us.

Its easy to understand the function and purpose of some positive emotions, nothing can feel better than being joyous or being completely at peace in the moment but what is the function, purpose and traps that we find in some negative emotions. More importantly, how can we find our way out of these traps, recover from the negative emotions that sometimes can seem to control and inundate our lives.

Emotions are necessary and useful to our lives for multiple reasons. They make us aware that something is going right or wrong. Unfortunately, our emotions drive our behavior and for this reason we need to better understand and acknowledge them. Tragic circumstances and experiences can sometimes damage or distort our emotions.

For those that fall into this category, we can recover if we are honest about where we are, and then seek help to resolve the negative emotions. Having better relationships can start with a change in our actions. Sometimes the changes that we make spur on change in others. Let it always begin with us and remember that our behavior is the only thing that we have control over. In our recovery we will analyze behaviors and emotions that tend to cause or contribute to unhealthy conditions in our lives.

Join Dr. Robert Grand and Nick Sweem as they talk about the role, purpose and healing that can be found in our emotions. Discover the path to healing and understanding with the help of our Lord.
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All people on this side of heaven would benefit from consistent contrary action, which put simply means to do the opposite of what our sin nature tempts us to do. This demonstrates a willingness to go to any length to cooperate with God.

This is where we must persevere, through our rigorous  honesty, our honest exploration of who we are versus who we want to be, who the Lord has designed us to be. While this can be an exhaustive and at times daunting process, the rewards are nothing short of transformative.

The key in this is to understand that your willingness will at times be measured in your perseverance, patience and dedication to the process that God has started in your life, and heart.

Humility is practiced by.
·         Surrendering your own will to God daily.
·         Accepting responsibility for your own actions.
·         Thinking of the welfare of others.
·         Serving the needs of others.


7th STEP PRAYER
Lord, I am now willing that You should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that You now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to You and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do Your bidding. Amen
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Trauma is a complex issue that has many negative emotions that are like the addict or codependent.

For this reason, the 5th step can be a very effective way of uncovering toxic emotions, discovering God’s love for them and discarding the lies of the enemy that holds each of us back from a full relationship with Christ and others. The natural tendency is to question God about the reasons for the trauma and/or ensure that justice is delivered for those responsible for the tragedy.

Each of these cases involves resentment, at some level, which needs to be dealt with so that the grieving process can move through to its completion. It is recommended in certain circumstances, depending on the individual’s level of trauma and preference, that a skilled therapist takes part in this process due to the complexity of the trauma.

What would change if you began to look toward God and His good design for you?

What if we could really grasp that we have intrinsic worth and value because we are made in the image of God?

We can exchange the misery of pride, fear and resentment with God’s wonderful design for us. All we need to do is stop serving ourselves and serving God.

What person does not want to make peace with his past? How many of us enter recovery with deep feelings of shame, fear, pride, resentment or are perplexed about the meaning of past events? If we can admit to God, ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs, we will not regret the past anymore. We will better understand how our behavior and attitudes contribute to conflicts and more importantly, we will see how our experiences can benefit others.
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Rigorous honesty is essential in becoming entirely ready.
·         Codependency, addictions and trauma usually involve a denial of truth because of the tragic and painful circumstances associated with them.
·         In addition to that, many of us have been raised in shame-based families which deeply reinforces a denial of truth and distorts our perception.   
·         The denial and distortion of truth gives the adversary room to gain mental, emotional and spiritual strongholds in our lives.
·         These strongholds magnify and exacerbate our sinful character traits which results in relational discord.
·         It takes courage to be truthful about our sinful nature and admit our wrongs, but if we can, it sets the stage for true repentance to take place. 
·         True repentance kicks out the lies of the enemy and provides Christ the room to remove these sinful defects of character.  
·         We no longer need to cling to the lies of the enemy which propels us in the wrong direction.
·         In this step we embrace the truth and reject these things that have held us back from loving God and one another.
·         God makes us aware that changes need to happen, but in order to change us He requires our utmost honesty and cooperation.
·         This step is a lifelong effort to place ourselves near the Savior so that He will change us into His likeness.
·         He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6), and it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose (Philippians 2:13).
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