Living Your Authentic Life (For Women Over 50‪)‬ Mary Sue Rabe

Freeing ourselves from something we got so acquainted with indeed requires a huge amount of will and dedication to succeed. Could it be a person, a moment, a former addiction, or whatever it is in that form, the battle won’t be an easy one to win over. Nevertheless, so as the saying goes, nothing is impossible with the Creator. It just needs a combination of His guidance and your effort, and in time, you’ll see yourself being freed.
 
“You know, what's your value system? What are you aligned with? Does that fit for you? And if it doesn't, then don't participate because you're not gonna feel good about it.”– Mary Sue Rabe 
 
Having yourself overly enjoy things this world offers could be a death trap disguised as a gift. People often see an event as a necessity in the process of building the better versions they’ve thought of themselves as long as it made them happy at some point. However, not everything you’ve once thought is interesting can remain that way in time. This is where people face the challenge of letting go.
 
In this episode, Mary Sue shares the gifts of 35 years of sobriety together with someone who went through the same process – Carla. Learn the power of quitting drinking and its impact on your well-being.
 
What you will learn from this episode:
How quitting drinking benefits you, your body, and your well-being How drinking affects how you think and act in situations The essence of having a support system that helps you in the process of quitting  
Link to a free resource:
https://marysuerabe.com  
Topics Covered:
00:47 – Mary talks about the memory of how she was raised – taking responsibility and making an excuse; the lessons she realized afterwards.
05:20 – She shares the first gift of sobriety she’s learned: the highest good for you, is the highest good for everyone else.
06:24 – Another gift of sobriety: being vulnerable.
07:54 – Worry vs. Praying – which weighs more? No control, no action.
12:52 – She shares more about finding a community of people who can’t speak but she can really relate to; An appointment with Madame Hipple and her interest in tarot cards.
17:13 – The thing that bothered her the absolute most; A narrative back when she was five and her oldest sister was learning to drive; Her sister having intuitive thoughts.
25:03 – Talks about how when you drink, you create holes in your aura; the concept of alcohol spirits.
28:27 – Remembering the four steps: knowing you’re powerless over alcohol, asking God to help you, making a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him, and making a searching and fearless moral inventory.
31:33 – The fifth step: are you willing to share it? Issues in life and family; a glimpse on her and Keith’s story in relation to her father’s response.
35:50 – Another learning: knowing your values; having an overgrowth of Candida.
40:07 – She shares about what she noticed with the change in her relationship with people; what she thinks around people who drink too much.
46:02 – False fun; Twelve stages of drunkenness.
49:43 – Her thoughts regarding people who think they are not alcoholic because they can handle it; the situation of someone who had hashimotos.
52:01 – Her thoughts about people who can’t put an end to drinking; A memory of talking about psychic things with mom and her psychic lessons with a friend who paved way for her to quit drinking.
59:42 – Last things to say about 35 years of sobriety; What she’s happy about.
1:02:00 – Another lesson learned: don’t judge people.
1:03:38 –The next steps for the episode; another thing to talk about: acceptance.
1:07:31 – Short narrative back when she was writing her fourth step.
 
Key Takeaways:
“The highest good for you is the highest good for everyone else.” - Mary Sue Rabe
 
“You take care of you and yourself and everything's gonna fall into place for ever

Forgiveness frees us from the chains of regret and burden. It may not be easy, and might even take a long time for us to open our hearts, but it will be worth it in the end. The shackles of the burden and negativity that you have been feeling will break once you open your heart and mind to forgiveness.
 
I do hope that this is the beginning of healing many race relationships, not just those that impacted me, but that have impacted many other people.  
 
- Mary Sue Rabe
 
Carrying a burden is something nobody wants to do in their life. Apologizing or forgiving is one of the things you can do to release yourself from these things that are holding you back from happiness and growth.
 
In this episode, Mary Sue shares her experience of relief from asking for forgiveness for a past mistake she has made when she was still a little girl. Learn the power of being forgiven, and forgiving and its impact on you mentally.



What you will learn from this episode:
 
Learn how forgiveness has changed Mary’s life and gave her a huge relief Know more about the importance of to forgive and be forgiven and its effect on you mentally Find out how forgiveness can help you mentally and can even reconnect you back again


Link to a Free Resource:
 
Stand There and Look Pretty Darlin’ by Mary Sue Rabe


Topics Covered:
 
2:01 - Mary shares a short background of her life as a little kid and her family’s business
 
2:36 - Bee and her three grandchildren, Johnny, Elton, and Alma Jean
 
3:18 - Mary talks about Johnny’s visit to their home when she was a little girl
 
5:11 - How Johnny’s visit soon became a burden to Mary even as an adult
 
5:55 - Mary shares how she started an organization called Women Healing the World and its mission
 
6:31 - The sudden reminiscence of the incident from Johnny’s visit and how it made Mary determined to reconnect with him
 
8:04 - Mary shares how her call with Johnny and asking forgiveness from him went
 
10:14 - Mary talks about how Johnny immediately forgave her with no doubt 
 
10:57 -  Mary’s visit to a personal growth salon and how it made her reminisce on her childhood life
 
11:55 - Johnny and Mary talk about the good old days back on the farm and how Johnny’s grandfather needs to be bailed almost all the time
 
12:54 - Mary shares the huge relief she felt after her phone call with Johnny
 
14:04 - Mary shares the body-mind connection she got and wondered if the people who tale care of her knew how much she loved them as well
 
15:40 - Mary says, “It’s a healing relationship for me.” after she has been freed from the burden by asking for forgiveness



Key Takeaways:
 
“How can your family always be so kind?" I asked. He said, "My mother was very religious, and she would always remind me that someday we would all know better. Well, hopefully, we all know better now and we're just treating each other better." - Mary Sue Rabe 
 
“I truly felt the body-mind connection. I had stored guilt and shame in my body for 62 years. Truly amazing what joy I felt, and how glad I was that I had reached out and call Johnny to apologize.” - Mary Sue Rabe  



Connect with Mary Sue Rabe:
 
https://marysuerabe.com https://womenhealingtheworld.com Book: Stand There and Look Pretty Darlin'

From a child’s point of view, especially back in the 50s when racism was at its peak, there was no invisible division between the white and the black. Mary, as a child, never saw any difference between the two and treated them equally. She loved her helpers, which were people of color, and was even able to create an impact in Mary’s life as a child.
 
“All these people helped to make our lives easier, and they also helped to shape my life in wonderful ways. I'll always be grateful to them.”
 
- Mary Sue Rabe



Racism was not a part of Mary’s vocabulary ever since she was a kid and still does not understand the point of bullying people of color. Growing up white, she was blessed with a kind family, a big home, and helpers. Though her helpers were people of color, she still loved them and treated them equally and with kindness.
 
In this episode, Mary shares how James, one of her helpers, has made an impact on her life as a kid. She also shares bits and pieces about Virgie, a very excellent cook for her family that makes her mouth water, and Mazel, a 17-year old who made her giggle all the time!



What you will learn from this episode:
 
Learn how one of Mary’s helper, James, made an impact in Mary’s life as a child  
Discover how Mary, as a child, view people of color versus how her family views them  
Find out about the significance of James, Virgie, and Mazel in Mary’s life and family 


Link to a Free Resource:
 
Stand There and Look Pretty Darlin’ by Mary Sue Rabe  
 
Topics Covered:
 
01:03 - Mary shares who James is and what significance has he brought in her life as a child
 
02:44 - Christmas and Mary’s $10 bill
 
04:19 - James and the brick wall that he built
 
06:41 - Who is Virgie and how did she make an impact in Mary’s family and household
 
08:56 - Mary shares who Mazel is 
 
10:24 - Mary summarizes how James, Virgie, and Mazel played a significant role in her life
 
11:00 - Mary’s discovery of the hidden booze years later




Key Takeaways:
 
“I realized that I was not really angry either. If James needed Bob, I was glad to share it with him. But I was grateful that he made change, and I still had some money. $5 in the mid-50s would pay for lots of 25-cent movies.” - Mary Sue Rabe
 
“He did not react to me. He just went to work. If it had been one of my relatives, I would have been in big trouble, but James did not say a word. He just did his job. I cannot imagine being in his place when this thoughtless little white girl had just ruined his entire day's work. He was a good sport, but did he have a choice?” - Mary Sue Rabe




Connect with Mary Sue Rabe:
 
https://marysuerabe.com https://womenhealingtheworld.com Book: Stand There and Look Pretty Darlin'

Sometimes, when parents don’t have the time to care for their children or do errands around the house, they hire a housekeeper. Back in the ‘50s, when racial discrimination was at its peak, White people usually hired Black housekeepers to do the housework for them and take care of their white children. Because of the discrimination between these races, White parents were unable to recognize the connection that has been made between the White child and the Black housekeeper. 

 

“It was the key ingredient of love. She knew how much we all loved her fried chicken and she loved making it for us.” 

 

- Mary Sue Rabe 

 

Back in the 1950s, it was normal for White people to hire Black people as workers or housekeepers. A thick line lies in between the two races. A hierarchy could also be seen between the two- the White people were on top, while the Black people were underneath.   

 

In this episode, Mary shares the story of her unique connection with her housekeeper, Rody, and her undying love for her fried chicken. She shares fragments of her memories with Rody as she considered her as her second mother, a Black woman working for a White family. It wasn’t impossible for the connection to be pursued if not for the innocence of little Mary on racial discrimination. 

 

What you will learn from this episode: 

 

Learn how racial discrimination was present in the 1950s 
 

Know more about how the innocence of a child on these societal issues has established a relationship, like a mother and a child, and friendship between a Black housekeeper and a White child 
 


Discover how the feelings of a child were disregarded if a different race, other than White, was included 
 

 

Link to a Free Resource: 

 


Stand There and Look Pretty Darlin’ by Mary Sue Rabe 
 

Topics Covered: 

 

00:33 - Mary introduces Rody, a Black housekeeper that became a second mother in Mary’s life 


02:18 - Mary realizes the struggles of Rody being a Black housekeeper and a single mother, as Mary is a single mother herself 

03:16 - Rody’s cooking: Mary shares how she loved Rody’s delicious fried chicken 

04:17 - How Sunday nights were the best in their family 

05:47 - When Mary hurt herself and Rody was there to hug and comfort her 

06:24 - Mary shares her experience with Bill when they accidentally started a fire and Rody was there to stop it 

08:54 - Mary talks about her birthday in Jack Tar 

10:36 - How the innocence of a White child ruined the reputation of a Black housekeeper, Mary shares how Rody got fired because of her 

14:22 - Mary shares the sadness she felt after Rody left and how White parents didn’t seem to care about the feelings of their children 

 

Key Takeaways: 

  

“When she was dismissed, part of me left with her. I do not believe that white folks, parents in particular, ever realized the importance of the relationship with the hired help, the deep love and attachment to these caregivers, and the impact they had on the children that they cared for. I was fortunate to have stable, trusted, honest, loving support from the help who surrounded me. For this, I am truly grateful. My life is much richer because of them.” - Mary Sue Rabe 

“To this very day, I remember the pain and how Rody helped me handle it. She picked me up, hugged me, and rocked me until I quit crying and tell me everything would be okay.” - Mary Sue Rabe 

“At an age when a small child is at the center of his or her own universe, Rody was part of mine.” - Mary Sue Rabe 

 

Connect with Mary Sue Rabe: 

https://marysuerabe.com 

https://womenhealingtheworld.com  Book: Stand There and Look Pretty Darlin' 

Growing up in a white family in the ’50s can sometimes lead to confusion about race, especially when racial discrimination was at its peak. How does color matter if everyone is the same- everyone is human. Black people aren’t supposed to be treated as downcasts in our society. And because of these discriminations in the ‘50s, children who are now adults end up in confusion as to why black people didn’t matter before when in the end, we were all human. 
 
“Our relationship faded, but not really. Even though I did not see her. My memory of her is still deep in my heart. She helped me to always feel loved even if I had disappeared for hours riding my bike and caused her to worry. She always forgave me. This is one of my experiences.” 
 
- Mary Sue Rabe 
 
Growing up in the segregated south in the ‘50s has led little Mary into confusion as to why Black people weren’t treated equally as White people. How does it make sense to a child that the loving Black caregiver was not treated rightly by society and even her family? 
In this episode, Mary Sue shares her own experience of confusion on how the people who loved her most were not treated equally. She also gives tribute to one of the caregivers who loved her the most, a loving Black woman named Bee. 
 
 
What you will learn from this episode: 
 
Learn how racial discrimination back in the ‘50s had an effect on a child’s point of view on the different races and how it can cause possible confusion   
Discover the innocence of a child towards the unequal treatment of White people to Black people in the 1950’s   
Find out how Black people were treated in the ‘50s, specifically in the segregated south area in Texas   
 
Link to a Free Resource: 
 
Stand There and Look Pretty Darlin’ by Mary Sue Rabe   
Topics Covered: 
 
00:58 - Mary shares how she discovered her father was a “plantation owner”, a job in which she was ashamed 
01:21 - How Mary realized that their farm is a plantation wherein Black people work in 
03:00 - How a loving black woman changed Mary’s life: the story of Bee 
04:20 - Mary explained what Bee does around the house and when taking care of the children 
08:28 - Mary tells about their cabin in Camp Creek 
09:19 - Mary shares her experience in fishing with Bee and some of the sweet moments she had with Bee  
12:10 - How fear came about at Bee when she couldn’t find little Mary Sue 
13:39 - Mary shares the sad news about Bee’s death back when she was a junior in college 
14:47 - Different races, same sweet memories: how Bee changed Mary Sue’s life and the memories kept within her heart 
 
Key Takeaways: 
 
“As a child, I witnessed that the people who cared for me and that I was very fond of, were not treated as equals. The situation has caused me much confusion about race.” - Mary Sue Rabe 
 
“Her earrings were broom straws placed in the holes in her ears to keep them open. When our family went on a trip in 1960 we bought her some souvenir red ball stud earrings, which took the place of the straw. I don't know why it took us so long to get her some earrings.” - Mary Sue Rabe 
 
“Considering I played with dolls so much, Bee decided to make a quilt for my baby dolls. Since the quilt was small, so were the strips of cloth that were used to make it. I still wonder how she did the sewing such small stitches with her bent, naughty, arthritic fingers. I still have this doll quilt.” - Mary Sue Rabe 
 
“As my father employed a permanent housekeeper to live with us, Bee was no longer needed on weekends or so my dad thought, but I still needed her. I needed the stability of Bee on Saturday nights. My dad and I did not communicate about what I needed. And he was unaware of how important and how deeply connected I was to Bee. Not being with her on Saturdays was another loss for me.” - Mary Sue Rabe 
 
Connect with Mary Sue Rabe: 

Feeling empathy, compassion, and guilt is normal but did you know that white people often feel these because of white guilt? Know more about what white guilt is and how it can be present in the everyday life of white people.  
 
“One of my conflicts from early childhood has been race-relations. I witnessed the people who cared for me, and that I was very fond of were not treated as equals. It was very confusing. Still is.”  
 
- Mary Sue Rabe 
 
 
Almost everyone is aware about racial discrimination but are you also aware on white guilt is? Most white people have experienced this because of the past and present occurrences of inequality amongst the black people and white people. 
In this episode, Mary Sue shares her own experience on feeling white guilt at an early age. Find out how racial discrimination is present in daily scenarios up until now through her story. 
 
What you learn from this episode: 
Learn about Mary’s experience and perspective on white guilt  Know more about how white guilt is present in daily scenarios through Mary’s experience  Discover how white guilt still occurs up until now through Mary’s perspective   
Link to a Free Resource: 
Stand There and Look Pretty Darlin’ by Mary Sue Rabe   
 
Topics Covered: 
00:29 - Mary talks about how she first felt white guilt in the early stages of her life, her childhood 
1:55 - One of the first occurrences of white guilt in Mary’s life. The little girl she saw was getting a pail of water instead of playing 
4:12 - Mary shares how their house was built in their family farm 
8:28 - Mary tells her realizations on how she had so much power back when she was a white kid in a small community of black people 
9:14 - How white guilt was present through the attention given by the black people to white people in young Mary’s perspective. 
 
Key Takeaways: 
“One of my conflicts from early childhood has been race-relations. I witnessed the people who cared for me, and that I was very fond of were not treated as equals. It was very confusing. Still is.” - Mary Sue Rabe 
 
“Looking back at my childhood, I realized how much attention I received. I had all of these older people around me who treated me like royalty. Who knows if they even liked me? I realized now that I had a lot of power, unbeknownst to me at the time. I wonder how they felt, whether there was ever any concern about not pleasing me or one of my siblings.” - Mary Sue Rabe 
 
 Connect with Mary Sue Rabe: 
https://marysuerabe.com  https://womenhealingtheworld.com  Book: Stand There and Look Pretty Darlin'