Speak LOUD Tiffany Barnes

Today I’m talking with Eric Daddario, who travels to high schools to show students how they can immediately change the course of their own lives and the lives of others. His experience lies in watching his brother die of a drug overdose, which is when he realizes the importance of making positive choices. Eric’s program shows youth how their decisions can impact long-term consequences in their lives.


Speak Up When You Need Help


Eric’s message is to speak up when you or someone you know is in trouble from alcohol or drug abuse, sexual abuse, or they are suffering from mental illness. His brother struggled when they were teens, and even though they were in the same peer group, Eric didn’t go down the path of addiction while his brother did. Eric believes his brother made that choice because of his low self-esteem.


Struggling Through Social Anxiety on His Own


Eric’s brother struggled with social anxiety due to a physical appearance issue which his brother believed others were judging him for. Although he had plastic surgery to change his physical appearance, his brother still believed others were looking at him. Instead of reaching out to their parents for help, his brother turned to drink, believing it would calm his nerves. Next, he tried escaping with oxycontin, other prescription drugs, then cannabis and heroin. 


Eric decided to align his decisions with the success of becoming a professional hockey player. So although they were both exposed to drugs, Eric decided not to do drugs or abuse alcohol because it didn’t align with his goal to be a pro athlete. Of their group of 14 friends, only two of them stayed clean and sober into adulthood - many of them are dead or are still hooked on drugs and alcohol.


Your Inner Voice
He talks about your inner voice and how some people brush off the warning they are given by their intuition that their actions are negatively affecting their life. Eric knew that addiction ran through his family on both sides of his family, so he decided early on that he didn’t want to go down that path. In addition, training for his sports gave him the drive and focus to lead a healthy lifestyle to achieve his goals.


Podcast Episode Resources to Learn More
Join me at Speak Loud Podcast on the web
Connect with Eric Daddario at Impact Truth


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Today I’m talking with Jarie Bolander, an author and entrepreneur whose experience runs from semiconductors to life sciences to nonprofits. He runs his own podcast, “Entrepreneur Ethos,” named after his latest book of the same title. Jarie  works to help clients convert concepts to strategies, but for today’s episode, he’s here to speak loud about what he calls “manly grief” and the process of grief for men in our society. 


Caring for a Terminal Spouse


Jarie first encountered an issue with grieving as a man when his then wife, Jane, died of leukemia in 2017. He recounts the two of them trying to prepare in case of her death but that it’s impossible to prepare for something like that. After her death, Jarie felt afraid and confused, and turned to substances to try and fill the void. 


While grieving, Jarie felt alone and like there weren’t many people who were able to support him the way he needed—even he didn’t know what he needed. He joined support groups for widows and widowers but found that the majority were women and that their experiences didn’t always overlap. Trying to deal with grief as a man in this society made Jarie realize that there was a gap for support for widowers and grieving men. 


Grieving the ‘Manly Way’


Jarie found that expressing his grief and sorrow was liberating, and began to think about how to help others, especially men who went through similar experiences. The idea of “manly grief” came from his wondering of how to deal with grief in a ‘manly way.’ He wrote a memoir about his story with Jane, mainly of caring for a terminal spouse and how to help other men who are grieving. Jarie saw a lack of resources from a male perspective and decided  to fill the gap himself. 


As an entrepreneur, Jarie has to see himself in what he wants to be—which is how his book came along. He thought that Jane would want him to write a book so others didn’t feel so alone if or when they went through something similar. The book includes personal accounts of what helped him during his grieving process and focuses on the caregiving spouse. 


Normalizing Stories of Grief


Jarie realized that the more he talks about his grief, the less scary it became. His challenge for listeners is to share their story, too: “I think we need to have these conversations and be thoughtful and compassionate with each other.” Cliche as it is, he says that whatever story you have, it’s important and needs to be told. Somewhere out there will be someone who needs it, too. By talking about your experiences and difficulties, Jarie believes that it normalizes and lessens the shame and sorrow around trauma. 


Listen in to learn more about what modalities Jarie has used in his healing process, what was the most helpful for him when he was grieving, and 



Resources Mentioned
Join Me on Speak Loud Platform
Speak Loud Podcast on the web
Connect with Jarie on his website


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Today I’m talking with Becca Ferguson, a licensed professional counselor in trauma recovery and an online course creator who brings her love for storytelling and teaching everywhere she goes. Her advice comes from years of both personal and professional experience and her main goal in her work is to make sure people know that they aren’t alone. Today, she’s here to speak loud for people who don’t know what they need—or are afraid to ask for themselves. 


Seizing Your Autonomy


Becca shares that something she’s learned both as a therapist and a client is that after experiencing trauma, there’s a struggle in knowing how much to tell. One of the reasons why she became a therapist was because of her upbringing. She grew up in a conservative Christian home, where she didn’t have a lot of autonomy, and experienced abuse and the guilt and shame that came with it. 


It wasn’t until last year when Becca was seeing her own therapist that she realized that she had PTSD. She was abused in the church, had over-controlling parents and grew up with little to no autonomy. Since then, a lot of her story has come from accepting diagnosis and learning how to grow through it.

Getting Real with Clients


Becca’s own experiences influence how she approaches her career and her clients. While other therapists don’t believe in the power of self-disclosure, she prefers to be real and vulnerable by providing examples of what she’s talking to her clients about. She feels that this lets her clients connect with her as they can see that she knows what she’s talking about, and also aids in her own healing, as she’s able to process her own traumas in a validating way. 


“Mental health doesn’t make sense,” Becca says, which is why she takes a unique approach to every client she has. She works primarily with young adult females, who are often in similar experiences to what she went through. Becca loves relating to her clients, and being a therapist has been a healing experience for herself, as well. 


Values-Based Healing


Along with therapy, Becca is embarking on a virtual coaching adventure, and is launching her first virtual coaching group in June. Her goal is to focus on a different topic in each course and over five weeks connect with and educate women on that topic in small groups. The coaching groups will also use a workbook, another passion of Becca’s that she’s discovered, so that clients will have tangible tools to take back to their own therapists. 


In all her work, Becca wants to create a place where women feel empowered to discover and go after what they need to live their best lives. She works to make her own services as accessible as possible, keeping costs low and classes small. “It’s less about the experience that we went through,” Becca says, “and it’s more about why we’re healing from it.” Her values-based approach is what sets her apart as both a therapist and a speaker. 


Listen in to learn more about how Becca brings light and humor to her experiences, what modalities she uses for healing in her own life, and to receive a discount for her online courses only for podcast listeners.


Resources Mentioned
Join Me on Speak Loud Platform
Speak Loud Podcast on the web
Find Becca’s resources on her website


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Today I’m talking with Rebecca Heidt, an artist and author of “Acceptance: The Beginning” and “Acceptance: The Reality”, the first two in her fantasy-fiction series. She’s won awards both for contemporary fantasy fiction and woman fantasy fiction as well as an LGBTQ+ fantasy fiction award. Rebecca believes in empowering others in not giving up on the life they want and claiming your own voice. 


Using Fantasy Fiction to Process Trauma


On her first appearance on the Speak Loud Podcast, Rebecca spoke about her own journey with trauma and acceptance, life experiences that influenced her to write her books. She’s currently working on the third book in the “Acceptance” series with plans for at least one more after that, along with an audiobook by December 2023.


Through her book series, Rebecca’s been able to heal from the major traumas of her life, a process that she describes as happening over and over. The fictional setting offers a playground to experiment with different narratives and parts of her life in a way that’s both healing and entertaining. She’s currently nominated for other awards, though the LGBTQ+ fantasy fiction award remains the most esteemed, in her opinion. 


Canvas Art and Writing as Therapy


Rebecca recounts that she turned to writing and art at the same time. After losing a family member in early 2020, she was struggling and found art as an escape.What she likes about canvas art as opposed to writing is that it provides a visual for what she’s feeling. She values being able to shut her brain off and let her heart take over. 


Along with art and writing, Rebecca enjoys meditation as a form of healing, which often translates into her art, as well. Over the course of her father’s illness, she’hs taken a new perspective on material things, and has found more peace and joy in prioritizing experiences over possessions. 


Learning to Be Bold


Since her last appearance on SLP, Rebecca has been learning to be more assertive, growing into speaking on her boundaries more vocally, something that can be especially hard for women. “I bring a lot to the table,” she says, “and if you can’t sit at this table and handle me, then you can go.” This sentiment is reflected in her writing and art, too, which are unapologetically vibrant and bold. 


Rebecca asks listeners to reflect on why they’re scared to say something, and to remember that the most important thing is to just say it. Opinions only affect the people who have them, so don’t worry about what others think. There is so much power in believing in yourself.


Listen in to learn more about Rebecca’s book series, what makes her feel empowered, and spiritual awakenings happening across cultures today. 


Resources Mentioned
Join Me on Speak Loud Platform
Speak Loud Podcast on the web
Find Rebecca on her website


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Today I’m talking with Hildegard Koenig, proud mother of 2 who has dedicated her career to helping others. She’s a survivor of domestic violence and sexual abuse who has a burning passion to give her voice for victims of crime and cancer warriors. Hilde is the co-founder and president of the Ink Against Cancer foundation, a unique 501c3 that connects local artists to provide financial aid for cancer warriors. 


The Consequences of Domestic Abuse


Hilde shares that her first experience with sexual assault came when she was a child in Venezuela, and influenced her adulthood when she met her abuser and eventual ex-husband. She stayed in the marriage until nearly losing her life, and left with nothing but her two children—15 months and 2 months old, respectively—and was scared of what would happen. Hilde says she wishes she had known of more of the resources available for victims of domestic and sexual abuse. 


After sharing her story and getting a protective order against her abuser, Hilde started from the bottom once again. She endured many medical issues, both physical and mental, from the abuse, and still does today. However, despite her doubts and fears as a single mother, she stayed away from her abuser and eventually remarried to someone who adopted her children as his own. 


Starting a Non-Profit


Hilde’s passion for helping people overcome cancer led to her nonprofit, “Ink Against Cancer Foundation.” Not only had her mother-in-law passed away from cancer, but Hilde’s close-friend shared his frustrations with her about the lack of resources he had to even pay bills or make rent while out of work. Hilde organized an event where many of the artists who tattooed her friend, Wolf, came together and raised funds to support her friend. Wolf, before passing, asked Hilde to continue in his memory. 


“Ink Against Cancer” is now preparing for its 7th annual event, with over 90 applications from cancer warriors. Hilde and her husband, along with four other board members, work in their offtime to support in whatever way they can, whether it’s helping pay for gas, meals, or buying Christmas presents. 


Uniting Artists Against Cancer


The 501c3 provides last wishes for adults as well as children whose wishes weren’t able to be fulfilled during COVID-19. “Cancer does not discriminate,” Hildegard says, which is why the foundation works for cancer warriors no matter the age or cancer type. After the fundraiser, artists get to meet the families they’re helping and see where their donations go to. Hildegard says that while they only ask artists for 50% of what they make, the majority donate 100%. 


Hilde and her partners want to make a difference, big or small, in someone’s life. She hopes that listeners know that we all have our own story. “And it’s your story. No one can take that away from you.” 


Listen in to learn more about the effects of abuse on families, Hilde’s five-year-plan, and how to get involved with “Ink Against Cancer.” 


Resources Mentioned
Join Me on Speak Loud Platform
Speak Loud Podcast on the web
Learn more about Ink Against Cancer


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Today I’m talking with Lynn Crook, author of “False Memories: The Deception that Silenced Millions.” After suffering sexual abuse as a child, she sued her parents for damages and won, which led her down the investigation path that inspired her book. Today, she’s here to speak loud about encouraging survivors to speak publicly about their experiences, and combating shame with compassion. 


Uncovering Repressed Memories


Lynn was the oldest of six children who were all molested. Her father forced her to repress the memory after punishing her for talking about it, and over her young lifetime, she eventually forgot about it completely. It wasn’t until 40 years later when Lynn was working in a sexual abuse response center that the memories started to resurface in panic attacks and flashbacks. 


It took Lynn months to speak about and accept what had happened to her, but when she did, she decided to sue her parents for damages due to sexual abuse. She had the means to go to court and wanted to make the world safer, eventually winning her case. However, her interest turned to the concept of ‘false memories,’ which her parents tried to use in their defense—attempting to claim that Lynn’s memories were made up.


Disproving False Memories


After the trial, Lynn’s excitement from winning died down as she heard more and more people talk about ‘false memories.’ People didn’t believe her or sided with her parents, showing her firsthand the impact of the false memory campaign. Over the next decade, Lynn dedicated herself to investigating false memory claims, and deducted that it was a complete scam. 


Lynn told the story of how the false memory campaign began and decided to put it in her book, believing that if people were able to read it, then they would learn more about how child molesters try to silence their victims. “You believed that?” Lynn will say now. “Really?” Her passion project has now evolved into her published book, after she spent 3 years compiling all the information she had learned over the decade. 


Living with Confidence 


Lynn shares that her panic attacks have now stopped, but the childhood trauma will be there for the rest of her life. She says that it’s up to the individual to find the tools that work for them in order to live a life that’s not impacted by shame or fear. For her, that’s seeing her therapist regularly and making sense of things through journaling. 


Lynn wants readers of her book to gain confidence in coming out about what happened to them—even if someone chooses not to believe them. With that confidence, she hopes people will be able to share their story, awful as it was, and start to stop it. 


Listen to learn more about where the false memories movement started, the role of women and spouses with child molesters, and what makes Lynn feel empowered today.


Resources Mentioned
Join Me on Speak Loud Platform
Speak Loud Podcast on the web
Connect with Lynn on her website
Purchase “False Memories” on Amazon


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